Though my move to WordPress was motivated by escaping suspected ‘government interference’, now that I’ve relocated, I think other forces were at work here. I think maybe this move represents other shifts as well, shifts in degree of involvement, priorities, and even subject matter.
I can’t help but notice what seems to be a lessening of intensity in my desire to learn, and then write about what I’ve learned. I really seem to be on mental cruise control lately! I hope this is only temporary! Recent events, compounded, have left me feeling empty, burdened, even crushed. Flat. Add the lessening strength of aging, and the fact that ours is very much a youth-oriented society – at this time, I have no starch left in me. There was a moment when I feared I’d lost my ‘salt’. Having been, along the way, the ‘salt of the earth’, and knowing its value, I also know that losing it is not a good thing. How can it be regained? (Matthew 5:13; Mark 9:50)
I believe I may see solutions to some of the issues here, but am concerned that I no longer have the stamina & endurance to pursue those solutions. I’m not young. Now what?
Because my passion & focus has so much been on early American history during recent years, then current & Middle East events (and I still believe that’s where it should’ve been) the scales have tilted in that direction, as far as reading matter is concerned. Sure, I’ve always had my Bible right here next to me, but…eventually, the human body will need whatever nutrients it has been lacking, and spiritually, it’s no different. I’ve been without significant spiritual B12 for awhile now. God has surely kept me, but I am now weak.
So lately, instead of pulling up the Internet when I first get up, I sometimes open my Bible. (I started doing this earlier in the year, but didn’t need it as badly as I do now, I guess. Didn’t stay with it.) I’m reading John. How amazing & greatly uplifting to find a cross-reference that took me to Psalm 69, and lo & behold, I was reading about myself! Talk about encouragement! And beyond that, I found that simple statements of Biblical truth touched me much more deeply than ever before. I found that my acceptance & understanding of the Word was easier by far, yet that experience was profound.
In other words, BECAUSE I had been otherwise involved, I had been readied to receive.
Ideas & thoughts are at the point of beginning. It’s occurred to me though, more than once, that perhaps I should be moving beyond just writing about those ideas. Being the quintessential hermit that I am! the possible courses of action I’m considering are not courses I want to leap into overnight, but…I am almost certain, at some point soon, leap I must.
I have also had a mildly shocking personal epiphany. Admirable, even apparently altruistic traits & behaviors can mask a whole other animal, and I know that. But I didn’t know it was true of me. I pretty much am rocked to my core right now. If I wasn’t feeling so flattened already, from the last couple months of my life, I probably wouldn’t be able to accept this realization. In fact, I would probably cling all the more tightly to life with Christina as I’ve known it! But it would seem, I’ve been prepared.
The times, they are a’changing…